Insert Smexy Title
by Kairacahra1869
Summary: Insert smexy summary... Established Hades/Poseidon relationship, slight one-side Hermes/Poseidon. Beware of crappiness! I have no idea where this came from but it was nagging me so I decided to write it. So sue me.


**Guten Morgen! Soy PhRenatoh! Here is yet another one shot from moi! Now I know that most of you are still waiting for me to update my other stories, and I will, but this just kind of came to me so I just HAD to write it down. I hope ya'll enjoy.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Ricky (at least not yet...) or Doctor Who. I have never watched Doctor Who either. (I want to though... It seems interesting...) the only thing I own is the plot and mistakes...**

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Of all the things he could have done, why'd he choose the only one that could possibly end his life? Ok. Maybe he was exaggerating a little. I mean he IS an immortal being. Still, of all the stupid ideas he has had in the past, this one takes the cake.

_'Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit!'_ Hermes thought as he made a beeline towards the exit.

Behind him, he could hear the violent howls of the hellhounds drawing nearer.

"Maia! Maia gods-dammit!" he screamed, desperately trying to gain some sort of clearance should the hellhounds catch up.

_Tsk. Tsk._ A male voice sounded. _And you call your self the god of thieves and stealth._

_George!_ Martha, George's companion, scolded._ Now is probably not the time._

_I don't understand why we can't just turn into laser mode. We could blow those stupid dogs to bits!_

"George! Shut up! Like I'm going to shoot lasers at those hounds! I might as well have a sign that reads 'Kick an ass for FREE! Two kicks per customer!' or something!" Hermes snapped.

_Like him screaming isn't going to alert Hades._ Martha muttered quietly to George, who snickered in agreement.

Hermes was closing in on the exit, the stolen item packed away safely in his bag. Then, it happened. Hermes was flying a good twenty or so feet on the ground when a hellhound jumped and bit at him. He tried to fly higher but it was too late. The hound snagged a shoe and tore it off, unbalancing the king of thieves. Hermes, with one final (manly) squeal, plummeted into the ground.

Standing up proved futile as two hounds pinned him to the ground. One hound had found his Cadeuces and was shaking it fervently in obvious playfulness. The snakes didn't think so.

_What in Tartarus?! Put us down!_ Martha yelled.

_I shouldn't have eaten that last rat!_ George moaned. _I think I'm going to be sick!_

Another hellhound bounded over to Hermes and bit down, hard, onto the god's leg.  
Hermes couldn't help but let out a loud groan of pain.

Suddenly a short whistle sounded and the hounds froze. In unison, they got off of Hermes and dropped the Cadeuces, bounding over to their mistress.

"Seriously Hermes?" a soft voice sounded, wafting over him like a gentle sea breeze. "This is, what, the 25th time you have tried to steal something?"

"Twenty-fifth? I'm losing my touch." Hermes murmured to himself.

"What made you think you could get away with stealing MY Necklace of Serenity?"

Hermes got up, painfully, and grabbed his Cadeuces before speaking. "Hello, Poseidon. My don't you just look lovely today."

It was a lame distraction, but it was true. Said sea god had on a simple black dress that hugged his slim torso like a second skin and flared out at the waist, reaching to his ankles. His long, luxurious black hair was intricately braided with a simple sea foam green ribbon keeping it tied. A silver circlet with an onyx in the center sat atop his head. Kohl outlined his eyes bringing out the bright, sea green of the irises. A few short strands of hair peaked out from under the circlet framing a heart shaped, golden-brown face that was as smooth as a baby's bottom. His plump, pink lips were pursed in slight annoyance and his back was straight with a air of royalty.

"Hermes." Poseidon sighed exhaustedly. "You should consider yourself fortunate that it was I, and not my husband, who caught you."

Hermes had to agree. His snakes, sensing his discomfort and nervousness, twirled around each other anxiously. Hermes morphed them into a phone and slid them into his pocket, making sure the were on silent mode.

Swallowing audibly, he opened his mouth to try to persuade Poseidon to let him go with little to know bodily harm. Poseidon cut him off though.

"Don't try to talk your way out of this one Hermes." he said knowingly. "Just hand over my necklace and leave."

Hermes was speechless, for once. When he found his voice it was an octave higher. "You're letting me go?"

Hermes could have slapped himself. He just broke rule number 16: Never question those who give you freebies.

The Queen of the Underworld just raised an eyebrow. "Yes I am letting you go. Although... I'm sure I could come up with some horrible punishment if that's what you want. Would you like that?"

Hermes, being the perverted god that he is, couldn't help but think of Poseidon in a sexy and skimpy leather outfit teasing him till he is practically begging for Poseidon to just ride his cock.

Hard-on alert! Hermes inwardly groaned as his cock rose slightly to attention.

"No. That's okay. I'm sorry for stealing your necklace. Here you go." he gave the necklace back to Poseidon and shot out of the Underworld faster then a satyr running to a buffet.

Poseidon chuckled, before turning around and walking back to the castle, to where his horny husband was tied up at the moment.

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"So..." Hades spoke slowly, coming off of his pleasure-induced high. "When do you think Hermes is going to realize that stealing from you can only lead to bad things?"

Poseidon sighed softly, tracing a pattern onto his lord's toned chest. "Honestly? I don't think he ever will. He might not steal from me for a while though."

Hades looked at his brother wearily. "What did you do Poseidon?"

The sea god just giggled and placed a small kiss at the base of his neck. "You shall soon find out my lord."

Hades propped himself onto an elbow and stared Poseidon down. His husband sighed. "Don't worry. It's not going to be too bad."

"That's what you said last time." Hades deadpanned. "As much as you may think that shrinking a man's balls is 'Not that bad', it is."

Poseidon scoffed. "He deserved it! He had already tried stealing my luck brush and favorite shirt and then he was going to try and steal my SNES! Do you know how long I've had that thing?"

"Still doesn't change the fact that Hermes lost his man card for a month."

"Whatever." Poseidon said, closing his eyes and snuggling closer to Hades. "You know, if I didn't know better, I'd think that Hermes is stealing my stuff on purpose, just to be able to see me."

"What makes you say that?"

"Hermes is the god of travels and cunningness, right? Ye, he is always getting caught. By me! It's like he is deliberately setting himself up for capture."

Hades grunted in disbelief.

"And today, when I caught him, I told him that if he didn't shoo I would punish him and, would you believe it, he actually got a boner!" he chuckled before continuing in a sultry purr. "Maybe next time I will punish him."

"You will do no such thing." Hades growled, latching his large hands onto Poseidon's subtle hips.

Hades bit Poseidon's neck harshly, as if reinforcing his claim onto the sea god.

Poseidon moaned. "Oh but of course, my dear. I would never."

Hades growled, but let it go and wrapped his arms around his lover, possessively. Sleep came to them quickly and, for once, nothing disturbed them.

In Olympus, the loud and anguished cry of a certain sneaky god rang through Olympus, waking up its occupants.

"No! Not my Doctor Who CDs! Why? WHY?!"

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**Edit 10.2.12: Hola! ¿Cómo estás? I just wanted to reply to the lovely review I got from Guest who had taken time off of their life to give me this comment:**

_** ya dumb ** Poseidon dates girls not The Lord of the dead I just clicked here to tell ya that :)))) loser beeitchh! Hahjahanna bee itch_

**Well dear Guest you just made my day! ^^ First of all, I am not a female nor a dog. Second, I'm glad that you flaming me has made you happy! Thank you for the flame because I was getting freaking cold. Third, lol! You're review seriously made me laugh. WIH is Hahjahanna? That has got to be the stupidest evil laugh I've ever read... Fourth, sweetie... what is this site called? Ummm... let me see *scrolls up* Ach ja! It's called FANfiction. As in a site that FICTION can be created by and for FANS. Don't worry though. You obviously were confused for a while. I hope I cleared this up for you. Also, Poseidon has had male lovers before. For example, Pelops. As in the son of Tantalus. (Remember that heart warming story he had told at the campfire during his stay at Camp Half-blood?) **

**...**

**That is all!**

**Edit 10.8.12: Poseidon IS a boy people. I DID call him a "him" and "he". You guys ever heard of drag? Or cross-dressing to those who aren't up to terms with slang?**


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